I have loved you from the minute I saw you as an embryo. Since that moment I have been a Mum. I have fretted over every single little thing. Just hours after your transfer I thought you’d fallen down the toilet. I did everything within my power to ensure you were safe in my tummy. I constantly took photos of my tummy to watch my bump grow. I wanted to remember our journey as there was no guarantee it would ever happen again.
We had longed for you for years. Each month I would imagine myself with a pregnant belly. I’d convince myself every month I was pregnant and sulk when I knew I wasn’t. It was long and it was tough. We laughed and we cried. A lot. As time went on I stopped imagining a pregnant belly but we didn’t give up. We went into your IVF cycle full of positivity but scared as hell and a little stressed. I even became veggie to see if it would help (a halal meat video helped too!) I was so grumpy towards your Daddy for a couple of months. I was unreasonable and I’d cry for no reason, I once cried because there was no salad on my sandwich but that’s another story!
When we found out you were on your way, I had done lots of tests without telling Daddy. All in 1 afternoon. Like I said already, I was crazy! When we did the ‘proper’ test we cried and we hugged, and we were on top of the world. And we’ve been there ever since.
You have had 3 different name’s before we settled on Daniel. Your named after your Daddy’s cousin. We enjoyed every day of your pregnancy. You were very good to me, you didn’t make me feel sick or tired. I felt like I was glowing every day. You did however sit on a nerve from time to time which made me walk like John Wayne…thanks for that!
You arrived 3 weeks early on Mothers Day in 2015. It was almost like it was meant to be. And I don’t be think you will ever top that as a Mothers Day gift, so don’t ever feel like you have to spend money on an elaborate gift. A card, a cuddle and bunch of daffodils will always be enough for me, because I have you and there is no better gift.
I love your little personality. You ask us stuff but mostly tell us stuff to. Like ‘eat it’ whilst sticking food in our faces. Or ‘have it’ when you want something we have. You’ve learnt the word ‘other’ now too and you’ll send me on a wild goose chase through the fork until I find the ‘other’. I always said ‘he won’t be playing games on my phone’. But you do and I love it. You’ve navigated your way around my phone and you’ll snuggle on my knee and play alphablocks, or Andy’s prehistoric adventures whilst I have a brew. I cherish moments like those.
Today we have been to a farm and you have been the sweetest. You fed a sheep, you held a little chicken, and played on the park. You painted pictures and ate all of your tea, then demanded I play racing cars with you and each time you told me I’d won “Mummy win!”. The clocks changed last night and you’re already settled in bed an hour earlier than normal you’re perfect in every way baby boy.
I have never found parenting you hard work and you’ll never hear me complain. You can be a monkey, and you are stubborn as hell but you’ll always come first. Before anyone or anything else. Why? Because you are my most treasured possession. You are mine and I cannot imagine a life without you. I will never desert you. I will never lie to you. I will never ever let anyone hurt you. I will always guide you down the right path but not push you. I will work hard and save for your future.
No im not saying your life will be Pinterest or instagram perfect. There will be days that I won’t get dressed because I can’t be arsed, and you’ll no doubt poop in the bath at some point. Your friends may come for tea and the house may be untidy….because that’s life, and they may end up with chicken nuggets and chips and not an organic home grown feast. But you will never go without wherever we can help and afford it.
Today is Mothers Day and it’s not been about me, it’s been about you. Thank you for being mine thank you for making me a Mummy, letting me feel this way and experience this life. I will never take you for granted as I’ve never wanted anything as much as ive wanted you.
Thank you, love Mummy xxx